Category: Mental

Not Letting a Small Setback Bother Me

In a comment to a previous post, I mention that I did not do well on Saturday.  It’s true.  I ate a pizza, and drank a six-pack of beer.  I didn’t exercise either.

However, yesterday, I was determined to continue on.  I ate well, and watched one episode of Stargate Atlantis while on the elliptical, so I got about a 42 minute workout.  The 42 minute workout may not be as long as some of the other ones I’ve done recently, but it was more intense.  I pushed a little harder speed-wise, and I turned the difficulty up a bit.

I also spent a fair amount of time doing housework yesterday.  I’m not sure how much of a workout that really is, but it’s more than sitting in front of the computer.  It’s also time well-spent.  I hate it when my house is a wreck.

Today, after work, I will get on the elliptical again.

I’m Just Getting Started

Since starting this blog, I’ve found others.  Some of them have been dormant for a while, and others have been a huge success.

Looking at some of the history of the successful ones, I’ve noticed that most had bad times near the beginning.

I was looking at Jennette Fulda’s blog (She lost half her body weight).  She started documenting in November 2003, but didn’t seem to make much progress until July 2004.  Her posting frequency was pretty sporadic until that time also.

It seems that I’ve had the same pattern.  Some early progress, then the progress fades away, then I quit posting (or weighing) very often.

I’m hoping that today is my July 2004.  I weighed in at 265.4 tonight, I’m down 31 lbs.  I spent 86 minutes on the elliptical watching Stargate Atlantis (I love iTunes).

I’ve said before that my weight loss began when I stopped being so depressed, and saw the changes that were needed.  I’m not so sure of that now.  I’ve been through another bout of depression, and I’m trying to use the focus on weight loss as a coping mechanism.  If it works, and I get to lose weight too, that’ll be more reason to feel better.

My Dog is Fat Too

I have a six-year old yellow lab.  Her name is Candy.  I don’t care for the name, but she had that name when I got her, about 5 1/2 years ago.  She has “thickened up” a bit over the last few years, but she doesn’t look fat.

I took her into the vet yesterday to get her spayed.  I picked her up this morning (she’s doing well).  I was looking over the line-item charges on the bill and noticed the $20 “obesity fee”.  I guess the fat made the surgery a little more difficult.

Just imagine if your doctor tried to add an obesity fee to your bill.

No Progress?

I just got off of the elliptical.  I felt good, until I weighed, and looked at recent weigh-ins on my spreadsheet.

I weighed 268.8 today.  I weighed 268.2 on 12/30.  I weigh more today than I did ten weeks ago.  That’s really frustrating.  I was rather pleased with my March 4th weight of 265.4, but it was just a temporary dip.

Dave commented in an earlier post that he doesn’t like to keep weight goals.  For me, it’s the only objective measure I have.  Subjectively, I feel better than I did at the beginning of this, back in early November.  Objectively, I’ve made progress, but very little since the end of the year.

I’m going to have to work a little harder.

Back on the Wagon

Moving the elliptical into the livingroom and buying a TV seems to be a big win for me.  I can easily watch a one hour show while using the elliptical.

Last night’s weigh-in was 265.4 lbs.  I’ve lost 31 lbs.  This is the lowest weight I’ve been in a long time.  I feel good, and feel motivated again.

I plan on buying a good bicycle in the next couple of months.

In other good news, I’ve been hired back at a former employer, so my job situation is a little more secure.  However, my income will take a bit of a hit over the contract work I had been doing.

A New Beginning?

I have slacked off in my workouts and in my posting.  I’m hoping to rectify that now.

There has been something going on in my life that I haven’t been willing to write about.  Those that know me know about it, but I’ve kept quiet about it here.  I’m going to talk about it now, and how it’s affected my weight loss.

Toward the end of December, my wife and I decided to get divorced.  In mid-January she moved out of the bedroom.  In mid-February, she signed a lease on an apartment and I helped her move in.

The split has been amicable.  Our daughter has chosen to live with her.  They’re staying in the same town, so they are close by.

All three cats, and one of the dogs are going with her.  I’ve still got my two dogs.

We haven’t filed for divorce yet, but will soon.  I purchased new appliances for her apartment.  She took most of the livingroom furniture.  I just replaced it this weekend.

The friction, depression, and loneliness has derailed my weight loss effort.  I have barely been working out recently.  I’ve had more “bad” diet days than I should.

With that said, the purchase of a TV and livingroom furniture makes me feel like I am still living in a house, instead of a shell.  I’m getting used to living alone, and I think I may prefer it.  I’ve moved the elliptical so that I can watch TV while using it, and I expect to get back into gear with it tomorrow.

Please don’t give divorce advice.  I’m already getting a ton of that from family and friends.  My divorce is probably much different than yours.  I do welcome advice on getting out of my rut, and losing more weight.

Wish me luck!

January is a Wash

My weight tonight was 268.2.  Although that means I’ve lost 28.2 pounds since I started, it also means I’m at the same weight that I was on December 30th.

I need to hit the workouts a bit harder.  On the positive side, most of my arm/neck/back/shoulder pain is gone, so I can do a little lifting.

Reflection

Most of my pants are a size 42.  They used to be tight on me.  They are quite loose now. I have a few size 44s that I tossed in the trash.

My first thought was to go buy a couple of pairs in a size 40, but I decided I’d rather wait a while longer, and buy 38s, purely for my own psychological reasons 🙂

I am still losing weight, although slower.  I haven’t been as diligent in tracking my weight, but I still do it now and again.  I look a bit thinner in the face.  My gut is a little smaller, and a lot softer.  My leg muscles are much more toned from using the elliptical.

I don’t suffer from depression as much.  I rarely binge-eat.  My alcohol consumption is way down.  I drink a lot of water.  I still drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day.

My diet change is now habit, and I don’t have to think about it much.  My digestive system work better now (I’m not going into detail about this).  I didn’t realize how badly I was abusing my body until I changed my habits.

I haven’t weighed in a few days, but I will soon, and I’ll update it here, but I assume I weight about 270.  That means I’ve dropped about 26 pounds in approximately 3 months.  I still have at least 70 pounds left to lose, but these three months have made a dramatic difference in my life.

Updating and Restating My Goals

I’ve changed my goal weight from 180 to 200 lbs.  I think 180 may be a little too thin.  I want to get a little more muscular, and I probably can’t do that and be much under 200 lbs.  This means I only have 70.6 more pounds to go.

Here are my goals:

  • Summer 2008: be able to ride a bike for 15-20 miles.
  • Early 2009: achieve my goal weight of 200 lbs.
  • Summer 2009: be able to run 10-20 miles.

Why I have these goals:

  • I don’t want to suffer a heart attack in my 40s or 50s.
  • I hate not being able to fit properly in a roller coaster (I love roller coasters).
  • Being obese leads to lack of self-esteem and depression.
  • A 300 lb man looks funny in a Kia Rio.
  • To set an example for my wife and daughters.
  • My weight causes pain in my back, neck, and shoulders, especially after sleeping.
  • To fix a few problems with my digestive system, that I won’t discuss here.

What have I achieved so far:

  • My current weight is down 25.8 lbs to 270.6
  • I am able to do two 45-minute sessions on the elliptical in a day, instead little ten-minute sessions.
  • I have changed my eating habits, so that eating healthier comes naturally to me.
  • When I eat a dessert (such as ice cream) I have a very small serving.
  • My beer consumption is down to about 5% of what it used to be.  I rarely drink now, and don’t drink as much.
  • I can walk up eight flights of stairs in the parking garage without feeling ill.

Considering I started all of this at about 300 lbs, and I would get winded by a short walk, I’m quite happy with the progress that I’ve made.  I still have a way to go, and like everyone else, still have the other day-to-day issues to deal with, but I’m confident that I will achieve the three goals.  I’ve even considered making a 2010 goal to run a marathon, but I’ll wait until 2009 to make that decision.

Some Change, and More Focus

I have been slacking off recently.  I need more focus.  Today, I got back on the elliptical, and I did a fair amount of weight lifting (with 20lb dumbbells).

I haven’t really been tracking my calories for the last week.  I’m not going to.  I’m still eating well, and losing weight.  I think I’ve got most of my dietary habits in control, so I’m going to focus more on the workouts.  I have removed the daily calorie intake page from this site.

In addition to this blog, I was using Traineo to help track weight, workouts, and diet.  However, that was yet another place to keep updated, and it had become a fair amount of work.  Also, their servers have become slow recently, so I decided to drop it.

I hadn’t weighed for a week, and I was worried that I had gained weight.  However, I was pleasantly surprised to be down to 267.6, the lowest weight since I started this.

I’m also going to focus on blogging everyday again.  I find it useful to help me focus on my goals.  I have more to talk about, but I’ll wait so I have something to write about tomorrow 🙂

A New Year

It’s just hours away from the new year here in North America.  Many people have resolved to lose weight next year.  I resolve to continue losing weight.

Due to some issue I’ll blog about at a later date, my tracking of food and weight has fallen behind, and I’ve skipped workouts now and again, but overall, I’m still losing weight.

My weight last night was 268.2, so I have dipped below 270.  I’ll probably peak back above it before dipping down below, hopefully to stay.  I have not updated my weight on this blog, or on traineo.com, but I will.

Since the weight loss began I have felt better physically than I have in a long time.  However, the last few weeks have left me with painful muscle aches that are probably due to stress.

I will probably be in bed before midnight tonight.  I’m not going to any parties, or getting drunk.  I’m at home, having a few beers.  Last year I got rather drunk, and there are embarrassing pictures to prove it.

Happy New Year!

Slacking Off, But Still Losing Weight

I haven’t been working out enough.  I haven’t been tracking my food or weight everyday.  I’ve had a few days where I ate way too much.  I have been blogging far too little.

I have two excuses:

  1. Holidays can do that.
  2. I’m having some personal issues I don’t want to talk about.

Take your pick 🙂

On the bright side, my weight is down to 271.6.  I’m really looking forward to dropping below 270.

I use to often use eating to combat depression and stress.  I think I have overcome that.

Lazy

Yep, I’m fat and lazy.

I haven’t had a real workout in days.  I skipped two days of work.  I slept a lot.  The truth is, I was sick.  So on the bright side, I lost weight.

I didn’t track my eating while I was sick, and I didn’t bother tracking yesterday’s weight, but I’m feeling better today, and although I still didn’t work out, I did keep track of my food.  I also ate a bit more than normal.  That’s okay, I’m just making up for yesterday.

I’m down 23 pounds, only 93.4 more to go.

Some Progress, Some Setbacks

I went a couple of days without working out.  I’ve been busy, and I’m naturally lazy.

I had been eating well, until today.  I had three slices of pizza and two breadsticks that totaled more than 1300 calories.  It’s also too many carbs this late in the day.

I did workout on the elliptical for nearly 90 minutes today though.  My weight is still trending downward, so I’m happy.

Food and Mood

Saturday night my wife and I went out to eat.  I tried to eat somewhat healthy, but I did drink a beer, and ate too much food.  My calorie intake for the day wasn’t too bad, but it was too many carbs, late in the day.

On Sunday, I felt fat and bloated.  I ate much less food.  I drank a lot of water.  I didn’t have much energy.  I did make a token effort at a workout, but it was difficult.

Today, I am totally exhausted, and feeling a little down.  I hope to have a good workout when I get home, but what I really want is sleep.

I wonder how much effect our diet has on our mood and energy level.  I used to never consider the consequences before, unless large amounts of alcohol were involved.

Hiding

Tomorrow is my daughter’s 16th birthday.  We are having a party today, and a bunch on noisy teenagers will be taking over my house.

There will be cake, ice cream, soda, and chips.  I’ll be hiding in my office (that also serves as a workout room & laundry room), working on a website for a client.  I will allow myself one scoop of ice cream, and that’s it for junk food.

Update:
I didn’t hide enough, and I ate 2478 calories.  Most of it was worthless carbs.  I will try harder.

Some Days You Fail

I’ve been sick for over a week now.  I figured that my low calorie intake probably isn’t helping.

I ordered more pizza, intending to eat half of a medium pizza.  I ate entire thing.  It was bacon and onion, and probably about 2100 calories.

I guess I’ll have homemade vegetable soup for dinner.

A Night a the Movies

My wife and I went to see Bella at the local theater today.  It was a good movie, but it felt wrong to not buy popcorn or drinks.  Eating junk has become so ingrained in everything we do.

It does feel good to change those habits, and I saved money.

Going to the gas station is much the same way.  I now pay at the pump to avoid spending more money and eating more.

Random Stuff

I got a call from Scheller’s today. I will have my elliptical on November 21st. That’s a little later than I’d hoped, but it should be worth it.

I found Jennette’s blog today. I am in awe of her weight loss. I believe she’s 9 or 10 years younger than I am, but I don’t have quite as much weight to lose. She has lost over 200 pounds. Oh, she’s a web developer also, but she actually has writing skills.

A guy at work (Thanks John!) has pointed me too traineo. I haven’t signed up, but several of us are talking about it to be each other’s “motivators”.

I’m still sick, and now I’m on antibiotics for a sinus infection. I hope it goes away soon, as it’s sapping my ability to sleep, and therefore my will to live 🙂

Depression

I have suffered with bouts of depression my entire life.  I just assumed there was nothing I could do, short of drugs, other than to just deal with it.

I started questioning that line of thought earlier this year because my depression took a much worse turn.  I knew I needed a change.  Seeking professional help was an option, but I wanted to find a better way.

For the last 15 years, my eating habits have been poor.  That is the main reason I hit 300 pounds.  Also, my diet did not include all nutrients that I needed.

A few months ago, I started taking a common multi-vitamin and fish-oil capsules.

Within a few weeks, it was as if a fog had lifted.  Not only was the depression not as bad, but It seems that I can think more clearly.

Deciding to lose weight was the natural next thing to do, once I was in the better state of mind.  It really wasn’t much of a conscious decision.  It just seemed to be what I should be doing.  I wish I had done something about the depression years ago.

Let the Embarrassment Begin

I don’t currently have a regular job.  I’m a freelancer working at a former employer.  I was out on Monday (I was quite sick), but was back in the office today.  News of this blog is spreading there, so it’s definitely time to make some progress.  If I don’t, the embarrassment will be for nothing.

There are a few other “fat guys” at the office, so at least I’m in good company.

I’m still not getting enough exercise, but my elliptical hasn’t arrived yet either.  I’m just lazy.