Category: Mental

A Stumble

So Friday was my “new beginning”.  Then Saturday happened.

When I woke up Saturday morning, I had no coffee in the house.  I headed out on the bike to Sunergos where I bought three pounds of coffee and sat and drank a couple of cups there.

The plan was to go home, then later go grocery shopping.  Instead, I went to Four Pegs with the intention of a late lunch and a beer.  I had the food and seven beers.  I was sober enough to know I needed to walk the bike home.  So, I walked home.  It was still early afternoon.  I slept for a few hours and woke up in the evening with a hangover.  That’s a new one for me.

I was unable to sleep most of the night.  It was miserable.  I metaphorically pulled a muscle by kicking myself over it.  I felt very stupid.  I was depressed.  Sometime overnight I had a bit of an anxiety attack.

Today was better.  I didn’t get out for a long ride, but a puttered around the house.  I went grocery shopping and didn’t get beer.  I didn’t go out to eat.  I can’t say I ate healthy today, but I ate food from the grocery store that I prepared at home.  That’s an improvement.

Tomorrow was supposed to be my first volleyball game, but it’s been put off another week.  That’s actually a good thing.  I have a lot to do this week.

Acceptance

I’ve been frustrated with life recently.  I’m unhappy with my weight.  I’m unhappy with being alone.

It’s time to accept things.  I need to not worry about being single.  I’ve done it before.  I can do it again.

I need to acknowledge my eating issues and work on them.  I need to cook at home, give up the beer for a while, and do some exercises in the evening instead of sit at the bar drinking.

One thing will help me to achieve the “stay at home and cook” goal – I’m going to be broke for a few weeks.  Poor planning and unexpected expenses teamed up to take my beer away.  Maybe this is a good thing.

I have been riding.  I’ve even been back on the rSogn.  I still need to replace the handlebars with Albatross bars, but that’ll have to wait for finances.

Tim got a new bike.  He calls it SeaFoam.  We managed to get out for a ride both Saturday (foggy) and Sunday (Easter).  I have a few pictures from Saturday.

SeaFoam and rSogn

If you can’t tell, SeaFoam is a Rivendell Atlantis.  Tim always has the nicer bike.

Foggy

A trip through Joe Creason Park in the fog completely hid the fact we were in an urban area.

I didn’t ride the bike to work on Monday or Tuesday.  I took a cab (waste of money) to work.  I took the bus home.  Both days involved walking, and drinking at a bar (more money wasted).

Tuesday, I had a few beers after work, when Tim contacted me about an evening ride.  I ran home and got ready.  We met and rode 15 or so miles after dark.  Again, I was on the rSogn, and he was on SeaFoam.  Both of us with dyno-powered headlights.

As he headed for home, I stopped again for another beer.

Bike and beer – a match made in heaven

See?  This one was totally the bike’s fault!

It’ll be at least two weeks without beer now.  I’ll then limit my drinking to one day a week.

In addition to spending more time at home with my dogs, I’m starting back with sand-court volleyball next Monday.  This will hopefully give me enough social interaction (and some exercise!)

Life is an interesting journey.  It’ll be fun to see where I end up by the end of the year.

 

Ice Needles

“Ice Needles” is how I described how this morning’s ride felt at one point.

I hadn’t been on the bike since Tuesday.  I missed one day of work.  I took a cab a few times.  I rode the bus some.  I walked more miles last week than I have in quite some time.

Tim suggested a Sunday morning coffee ride.  The weather was supposed to be cold and wet – in other words perfect.

Looking out at a wet ‘bent

Tim rode to my end of town and met me at Sunergos.  Timothy also showed up, but wasn’t intending to ride.  At the beginning of the ride it was simply cold and wet.  There was a slight wind, temperatures in the mid-30s, and moderate rain.  As the ride continued, the temperatures dropped a bit and the rain started to become sleet.  At this point it started to feel like ice needles stabbing into my face.

We headed west to Shawnee Park then out to Riverwalk for a bit before cutting back to streets in Portland.  We cut back to the Riverwalk downtown.  We had no illusions of pace.  Both of us have ridden little recently and are out of shape.  It also seemed we had a headwind no matter what direction we were riding.

I was riding my recumbent – the only bike I can ride right now without neck pain.  Tim was riding his Rawland.  Due to the wet weather, I didn’t take my phone out for a picture, but Tim did.

Wet bikes

We eventually made our way to the Beargrass Creek Trail, then Cherokee Park.  We wrapped it up at Twig and Leaf for more coffee and omelettes.

It was only a few more miles for me to get home.  I was freezing at this point.  The precipitation had changed over to big clumps of wet snow.  I had one 30mph downhill run and the ice needles really hurt.

After getting home and getting out of my cold, wet clothes, I realized that I felt a lot better than I have in a while.  My mental state has really been suffering from not much bike riding.  My beer consumption is too high which isn’t helping matters either.

I’ve not had any alcohol today.  I’m relaxing this evening with herbal tea.  I’ll be riding the bike to work tomorrow.

Today’s ride was 24.4 miles.  The route is below.

Download file: 2013-03-17.gpx

Things Were Good…

My post on the 20th, gained me an email from a friend who wanted to make sure I was okay.  Yes.  I’m okay.  I was actually in a good mood when I wrote that, but had just come out of a bad stretch.

Things were good last week and through Saturday.  I was upbeat, productive at work, and had hope for the future.  Then Sunday happened.

I’ll back up.  Friday after work, I went to Apocalypse Brew Works for beer.  It was packed inside, but they had a campfire in the parking lot, so I sat around with a group of strangers and got drunk.  It was actually a good time.  There’s something about sitting in a circle around a fire that gets you talking to people.

I left there after having one too many.  I still hadn’t eaten dinner, so I stopped at Cumberland for a burger and one more beer.  Cumberland didn’t have a fire or a circle, so I really didn’t talk to anyone.  My ride home was a blur – an uneventful blur, but still…  I got home and went to sleep.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling dehydrated and smelling of wood smoke.  I felt much better after a shower and a pot of coffee.  Saturday’s plans were grocery shopping and housecleaning.  Oh, and I had a growler of beer I’d brought home from Apocalypse.

I drink too much beer.  I realize that.  It hurts my weight loss efforts.  It hurts my mental state.  I’ve cut down for a while, only to pick back up later.  I was determined to not over-do it on Saturday, as I had big bike plans for Sunday.

I thoroughly cleaned the drivetrain on the rSogn for Sunday’s plans.  Timothy was putting on an LBC Populaire.

I woke up early Sunday feeling good.  I cooked a good breakfast and drank plenty of coffee.

The ride was planned at 68 miles.  I wanted 100 miles for the day, so if I took the long way to the ride start location and back (in Prospect), I could do that.

I headed out in plenty of time.  I was underdressed, but I knew it would warm up.  Ten miles in, I wanted to turn around and go home, but I kept going.  It was 18 miles until I arrived in Prospect for the 10:00 AM departure.

There were some interesting bikes there.  One guy from Columbus Indiana was riding a recumbent.  Sam, from Lexington Kentucky, was riding a Velo-Orange Polyvalent.

Being a timed event, I didn’t bother with pictures.  We rolled back toward town.  Many of the riders pulled ahead of my on River Rd.  They were soon out of site.  There were still a few behind me somewhere.  After a bit, the recumbent rider passed me.

Two riders behind me caught up as we were approaching downtown.  They slowed a bit to stay with me.  We crossed the Second Street Bridge into Indiana, and the faster group had apparently made a wrong turn somewhere, and were coming back toward us.  Now I was riding with a group again.

While riding next to the recumbent rider and talking to him, I didn’t spot a pothole in time, and hit it hard.  There was no damage to my bike, but I had to stop to retrieve my pump which had fallen off.  Nobody waited for me.  I was pretty much cooked already at this point.  I had pushed a pretty good pace (for me).  I was unable to catch them.

I continued on to the first control, Quill’s Coffee in New Albany.  Most of them were still there, including Timothy.  My mind was made up.  I let him know I wasn’t continuing with the ride.  I was only 18 miles into the Populaire, 36 miles into my day.  They left while I had a cup of coffee.

I wasn’t ready to ride another 12 miles to get home.  I was that tired.  I was about a block away from New Albanian Brewing, so I rode there for a beer and food, then began a slow amble home.  It took me nearly an hour to go those 12 miles home.

I cooked a nice dinner at home.  I spent some time stretching my leg muscles, which had begun to cramp up.  I was exhausted – much more exhausted I should have been for the riding I did.  I felt kind of “cooked” mentally too.  I went to bed at a reasonable time with the intention of riding the recumbent to work and taking the long way in the morning.

This morning, I hated the world.  I hated the alarm clock, the bikes, myself, and the fact I don’t own a car.  My legs and neck were still in pain, but the mental pain was bigger.  I couldn’t call off work.  I wasn’t going to spend the money on a cab.  I took the bus to work.  Riding the bus made me feel slightly sick, which it normally doesn’t.

Getting to work didn’t improve matters.  I was grumpy.  My co-workers were annoying.  I wasn’t very pleasant to be around.

I left work at 5:00 on the dot.  I didn’t want to miss my bus.  My mood had improved a bit, but I still felt a bit ill on the bus.

I cooked another nice dinner and prepared leftovers for tomorrow’s lunch.  I did the dishes.  I played on the computer.  I feel better, but not quite right.

Maybe cutting out beer for a week (or three) will change things a bit.  Maybe just getting back in the habit of being at home, cooking, paying attention to my dogs, and playing on the computer will help.

We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

Writing Problems

I haven’t posted in a while.  I’ve been busy during my good times and depressed during the bad times.

A week ago (last Saturday) I rode 41 miles on the rSogn, and was so stiff and sore that I didn’t leave the house on Sunday.

I rode the ‘bent to work, on errands, and to Car-Free Happy Hour last week.  This included one day with a winter weather advisory.  I probably should have ridden the Fargo with studded tires, but I didn’t.  I had no issues with the roads, but as I pulled into work, the bike slipped out from under me on an icy spot.  I went down in front of three co-workers.  I wasn’t injured, but it was embarrassing.

I was on a ride this morning with Tim and Asher.  I was on the rSogn again.  30 miles into the ride, I called it quits and turned for home.  I ended the day with less than 37 miles.  I’m stiff and sore again.

The rSogn isn’t the issue.  My body is the issue.  I’m having a low-grade flare-up of my neck and shoulders again.  Riding a drop-bar road bike aggravates it.  Maybe I should stay off that bike until the flare-up is over.

I’m planning on going out again tomorrow morning, but I haven’t decided which bike to ride.

As I said earlier, I’ve been busy.  Work is busy in a good way.  Other things in life are busy in a “not so good” way.  I’ve fallen behind on things I need to get done.  This has caused me to write here less often.

When I’m being lazy and not working on such things, it’s often because I’m depressed.  I have trouble writing when I’m depressed.  Okay… not entirely true.  I could write 300 pages of sad-sack shit that nobody wants to read.  I’ll spare you that.

Rough Start to a Good Day

Yesterday improved after my post.  I went grocery shopping, cooked pot roast (leaving a bunch of leftovers for lunches) and got a bunch of housework done.

This morning was bad.  I had planned to leave early and take the long way to work.  I would have looped around Cherokee Park, up and down the hills.  I’m riding the ‘bent because my neck has been bothering me again.

I didn’t oversleep, I just didn’t get out of bed.  I was awake, but unwilling to move.  I tried to figure out how to stay home.  I eventually got up, showered, shaved, and prepared to face the day.

I no longer had time to take the long way.  I went directly to work.  The cold weather was invigorating and I was quite awake when I arrived.  I made it on time, which is sometimes an issue.

Once I had some coffee things improved greatly.  I had a couple of quick things to fix, then moved on to a big project.  I’ve been working on it (more like chipping away) for months.  The perfect conditions of being productive, and not being interrupted occurred  and I managed to make a large dent.  I have tangible progress I can show.  That’s a good feeling.

I’m not here to write about my work, but there’s a parallel to my personal life.  I need to be productive in my personal life again.  I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels for a few years now.  This includes fitness, weight loss, financial issues, housecleaning, simple-living, and many other things.

I need to keep the positive attitude going that sprung up today.  So, off I go to do some stretching, exercises, cooking, and cleaning.

Goals and Motivation

Goals and motivation are important in life.  I have goals, but my motivation seems to be lacking recently.

Instead of going grocery shopping yesterday, I went out to eat and had a few beers.  I came home and went to bed early.  The alcohol helped me fall asleep quickly.  I didn’t stay asleep.  I woke up a few hours later with a headache and couldn’t sleep until almost 4:00 am.

I got up this morning at 10:00 am.  I still have the headache.  I’m fighting it with coffee and ibuprofen.  I cooked pancakes.  That’s not a diet-friendly breakfast, but it’s what I had on hand.

I had originally planned to get some bike miles in this weekend.  Yesterday, I rode one whole mile.  Today, I’ll go to the grocery store and back.

I’m not motivated.  I’m depressed and have a headache.  I’m pissed off at myself for the over-consumption yesterday (beer and food).  I’m slightly peeved that my caffeine addiction is so bad that sleeping in guarantees a headache.

I have a document I started in 2007, shortly after I started my original weight loss attempt. It was some life goals, and notes about each.  I added notes about each goal as the situation changed.

Some of the items on the list no longer apply.  I quit updating it before my second marriage.  Some of the others are still very relevant: exercise, healthy eating, depression, simple living.

Some of the other items on the list are a bit too private to post.  I need to write an updated document with my new goals, and reasoning for each.  It may take a while to figure out that document.  I’ll post the non-private bits when it’s ready.

I need some exercises to do indoors.  There are days I just can’t push myself outside for a ride.  That doesn’t mean I should be a lump in front of the computer on those days.  I need to do some core and upper-body work anyway.

Anti-Social Media?

When I was married to Kristy, she pressured me into joining Facebook.  After a while, the constant game notifications pushed me away.  I closed my account.  I had lived my life without social media (except this blog) and certainly didn’t need it.

Sometime in 2011, Michael invited us of the RCCS crew to join Google+.  It would a nice way to discuss ride plans without resorting to email.

Soon after that, I got connected to many other bike commuters, cyclists, Linux users, and weight-loss people.  It was fascinating and I made friends.

It started taking up too much time.  It certainly wasn’t getting me on the bike more often.  My personal productivity dropped.

A couple of months ago, I scaled back my circles.  I mostly scaled back those I didn’t have as much interest in, or who didn’t participate much.  This didn’t work, as the people I wanted to interact with were the ones taking my time.

Recently, Google+ added “Communities” a new feature.  I created a RCCS community, and made it private.  It serves the purpose of why I originally joined Google+.

Today, I made the decision to not use G+ anymore, except for the RCCS community.  I posted there about it, and provided my email address, and the url to this blog.  I hope to be able to communicate with the same people, but in a less frequent, more detailed manner.

I’ve made friends there.  Some I’ve met in person.  Some I will soon (I have a couple from California staying at my house for the Cyclocross Worlds event in February).  I know that most of the people I interacted with, I’ll never meet in person. That is kind of sad.  Although this is bothering me, I know it’s for the best.  I need to concentrate on my physical issues, mental issues, and work.

So This Is Christmas

Christmas is a time to be with family.  Christmas is also a time for depression.  My only local family is my youngest daughter and my second ex-wife.  The ex-wife was working today.  My daughter was spending the holiday with her boyfriend’s family 40 miles away.

I did make plans with my daughter to take her out for dinner tomorrow evening.  I haven’t seen her in a while, so it’ll be nice.

I did talk to several people on the phone.  I had text messages from a few more.  I also interacted with a bunch of people over on Google+, although most of them were just taking a few minutes from there in-person holiday celebrations.

I have mixed feelings about Christmas.  I hate the commercialization of it all.  I hate the expectation of gifts.  I see financially strapped families go into debt to buy gifts for everybody.  I find that sad.

I’m not going to cover the religious aspects of the holiday.  We each have our own beliefs. I think the community and family aspects of Christmas are a good thing.  Many people have the day off work.  Families get together and actually interact (for better or worse).  This is part of what made me depressed today.  I just had my dogs.

Sandy sharing the bed with me

I did give a couple of gifts online, to people I’ve never met in person.  They’re people I’ve conversed with online.  I consider them friends.  I received a rather nice gift of a bag of coffee. Somebody was paying attention.  I had casually mentioned this particular brand of coffee months ago.  I then forgot about it until the package arrived.  There was a card enclosed.  It’s nice to have friends, even if you’ve never met them.

Due to my laziness yesterday, I had few groceries in the house today.  I had bacon and eggs.  Yep, that’s it.  That’s what I ate.  I drank copious amounts of coffee.  There is no alcohol in the house.

I decided to bury myself in a book for a few hours.  Two hours into that, I got a text message from Tim asking if I’d like to go for a ride, JRA (just riding around).  This would mean not too fast, not too long, ride around town.  It was just the cajoling I needed to get out of the house.  It’s nice to have in-person friends too.

I rolled out on the rSogn and headed to The Loop where I met him.  He’s been under the weather and still hasn’t fully recovered.  We rolled around some neighborhood streets, then into Cherokee Park.  It was fully dark, but both of us were riding bikes with dyno-powered headlights.

He ended up with a coughing fit, and we wandered back toward his neighborhood.  He gave me his Big Loafer bag for the front of my bike.  I’ll give it a try and see how it works.  If I like it, we’ll discuss a price.

Big Loafer

I took a wandering route home and ended up with 16.2 miles.  It’s not a lot of miles, but it looks like I’ll make 300 miles for the month.

I’m not drinking today.  I’m going back to work in the morning.  There’s the potential for snow accumulation overnight.  I’m considering putting the studded tires on the Fargo tonight, just in case they’re needed.

I’ve had four days off work.  I’m a little frustrated that I didn’t get the housework done that I wanted to.  I did go for the 78-mile ride on Sunday, so it wasn’t totally wasted.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Holidays

I’ve never been big on gifts for Christmas.  I have (now grown) children, so it was necessary to buy stuff before, but it was limited to immediate family.

I did buy a couple of things for an online acquaintance recently.  I also received a bag of really good coffee in the mail.

I don’t mind gifts.  I mind the expectation of gifts.

I’m not close to my daughters anymore.  Even the youngest, who lives nearby, rarely calls.  Her phone is currently shut off and I never know when she’s home.  I haven’t spoken with her in a while.

I’ll be spending another holiday alone.  I still have my dogs.

It’s not all bad though.  I’m planning a 75-mile solo bike ride tomorrow.  I’ll do a shorter group ride on Monday.  I haven’t figured out Christmas day yet.  It just seems a waste to have a four-day break from work and not do something.

It’s times like this that I’m reminded of the downsides of being single.  However, taking off on a bike ride for 8+ hours without much planning ahead is difficult in most relationships.  Maybe being single is okay.  I don’t have to justify my habits at home, rather it’s being gone for bike rides, or peeing in the shower.

Thanksgiving 2012

The last couple of years I’ve done a Thanksgiving post with a list of things I’m thankful for.  I’m not going to do that today.  I am thankful for a number of things, but that’s not today’s post.

I’m spending the day alone, other than a brief bike ride with Tim.  I’m cooking my own meal to eat by myself.  I’m using the time to reflect, listen to music, and get some work done around the house.  I think that’s a pretty good use of my time.

I’ve talked to ex-wife #1 today on the phone.  She’s home alone – her boyfriend left for the day and didn’t invite her.  She lives in Michigan, and it’s probably best that I not visit her.

I’m still nervous about Saturday’s race.  I woke up with my neck worse than it’s been in a while.  Once the race is over, I’ll probably only ride the recumbent for a while.

I hope you enjoy the holiday, however you’re celebrating it.

Technology Is Killing Me!

I make my living working on computers.  I had an emergency run into work yesterday to fix an outage.  There’s goes part of the weekend.

I was supposed to clean house this weekend.  Instead, I’ve been working on problems on my home laptop.  I need my laptop functioning properly for my GPS, my phone, and my tablet.

Maybe I’ll just go back to a dumb phone and paper maps.

Priorities?

Focusing on priorities isn’t easy, but it’s straightforward.  At least if you know what your priorities are.

I’m struggling.  I don’t have my priorities figured out.  The confusion carries though in many areas of my life: work, relationships, bicycling/fitness, food, alcohol, finances and so on.

When I was young and poor, and had a family to support, the priorities were straightforward.  I always knew what I had to do next.  That’s no longer the case.

I can make a goal, but that means achieving it… and then what?  Also, what goals are most important?  I need to prioritize them taking into account things I want in my life.

I never thought that having a decent job, living in a decent house, and having a fun hobby would be so taxing on my mental health.

Life is Crazy

I haven’t posted in a while, but things have been happening.

Depression
I’ve been suffering on and off with depression a fair amount again.  I’m still on the fence about what to do about it. If I can make enough changes to ease things, great.  Otherwise, I may turn to professional help.

Houseboat Trip
Robin and I went on the houseboat trip.  It was four days of fun, sun, a storm, alcohol, and cool people.

New Bike
I gave the new-ish hybrid bike to Dawn.  She needs a bike for transportation.  I didn’t have a use for it.  I had bought it as a gravel bike, then decided to go with a Salsa Fargo instead.

Newer Bike 
I have the Fargo.  I’ve ridden it to work a few times, and around town for fun.  I took it on some trails today, and realized that I still suck at mountain biking.  🙂

Robin
I decided I needed to end my relationship with Robin.  I need to get my head out of my ass and figure out my life.  She didn’t do anything wrong.  I’m not pointing fingers.  I just wasn’t behaving myself with proper lifestyle choices while around her.  That’s my fault, but it needed to stop.  🙁

Gravel Grovel
I’m still planning on racing Gravel Grovel this year, but I haven’t registered yet.  I went for a ride today, and at only 18.5 miles, I was beat.  My fitness level has really deteriorated.  I’m going to have to make a concerted effort to fix this quickly.  I’ve only got a little over two months.

(Re-)Beginning

I posted the following on Google+ this morning:

Today I’m officially back on the wagon as far as my weight lost attempt.

I stepped on the scale this morning – 245.8 lbs, ugh. I was down to 197.6 about three years ago. So, I’ve gained back about half of what I had lost.

I ate healthy meals yesterday, other than the snack from the coffee shop in the morning. I drank no alcohol.

Today is the real (re-)beginning though. I’m back to tracking everything I eat.

Although as of now, just over eleven hours later, I’m still on plan, I’m already running into difficulties.

I’m in a bad mood.  I haven’t cooked tonight’s meal, which will also provide a couple of lunches.  I have a strong desire to go get drunk.

At this point, I’m going to go to bed hungry tonight, and figure out tomorrow’s lunch tomorrow.  I’m just not in a good enough mood to deal with it.

New Bike Changes

Tim met up with me the other day and dropped of some tires to try on the Big Dummy.  I’ve had a lot of flat tires with the old ones.  I haven’t put them on yet.  We’ll see how that goes.

Tim was going to loan me some tires he had to try on the new bike.  Due to mis-communication, he didn’t bring them.  It’ll have to wait a week.  He’s on a short bike tour right now.  I’m leaving Saturday morning for a trip to San Diego.

I stopped by the bike shop today after work.  I ordered a new seatpost for the new bike.  It’s not a two-bolt like I wanted, but it’s a third of the cost.  I’m also skipping the new seatpost clamp.  I’ve also decided to stick with the existing saddle for a while. We’ll see how that works out too.

I also bought two bottle cages.  I only had one on the new bike.  I’ll now have two, and can put yet another on the Big Dummy.

I still need focus in my life.  That seems hard to do with this trip to San Diego (work related, but gonna enjoy it anyway), and other stuff going on.  My earlier post about making my house livable is all about being able to be home and enjoy myself.  That will make focusing easier.

I’m not setting any bicycling goals for the time being.  I’m not setting any weight goals.  I want to pull things together.  I also need to remember to enjoy where I’m at now rather than worry about where I may be later.

Still No Long Rides

I rarely ride more than 10 miles in a day now.  It’s mostly just commuting, errands, or neighborhood rides.  Robin and I still ride to volleyball on Mondays.

Some of this is mental.  I still suffer from depression.  Some of this is poor time-management and some is logistical.

I bought the new hybrid (Nermal 2.0?) to make into a gravel bike.  I’ve added a rear rack so I can ride it to work.  I still needs changes:

  • Fatter tires
  • Better saddle
  • Two-bolt seatpost
  • Better seatpost clamp
  • Another bottle cage

Once I get those things, I’m prepared for gravel rides.  Later, I’d like:

  • Different handlebars
  • Better brakes, pads, and levers
  • Small front rack
  • Better pedals

Maybe next year I can really upgrade the bike, to where only the frame and a few parts are still original.  I’d add:

  • Better wheels
  • 9-speed drivetrain (3×9 or maybe 2×9)
  • New crankset
  • New shifters

All this is nice, but doesn’t solve the root causes.  I’m out of shape and depressed about it.

Home Sweet Home

My house has been a shambles.  Sometimes it’s clean, other times it’s dirty, but it’s been disorganized and not pleasant to live in.  I haven’t had a kitchen table since Kristy moved out.  I didn’t like the one we had before she moved out.

I never used my livingroom.  I mostly just slept at home.  Too much space was taken up by bike parts and tools.  Every flat surface was covered in junk.

Robin had brought a TV and DVD player over so we could watch movies together on the couch.

Since then, I’ve wanted to spend more time at home, but I needed a few things to make it nicer to be here.

Over the last few weeks, Robin and stopped at a lot of yardsales.  I bought two table lamps for the bedroom.  I bought a floor lamp for the livingroom.  Yesterday we found an old, but sturdy and nice, kitchen table with four chairs.  It was priced well, as it was missing it’s middle leaf.  This makes the table football-shaped, but that doesn’t bother me. The smaller size fits my kitchen better.

My bedroom had water damage from the leaking roof.  The roof has been repaired, but the bedroom needs painting and new carpet.  I moved my bedroom to the front of the house (former livingroom), which is bigger.  My livingroom moved back one room to the former “bike room”.

The old bedroom is bike storage for now, but I’ll have to move them out for remodeling.

I did some bike work that I’ve been meaning to for a while.  This allowed me to get rid of some stuff, and put other stuff away.  I no longer have bike parts or tools anywhere, except put up where they belong.

My house is de-cluttered and clean.  It feels like a nice place to live again.  I still have paperwork to sort in the computer room, but it won’t take long to do that.

I’m still recovering from being sick, so a long bike ride was out of the question for the weekend.  Using the extra time to clean and organize was a better idea.

This is reducing my stress level and helps me feel in control of my life again.  Sometimes, little things can really help.

Mixed Feelings

I’ve been a little sick for over a week.  I didn’t feel up to riding to work today, so Robin drove me.  I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment for today.  Then I realized I had no bike to get there.

I took a bus from work to the doctor’s office without much problem.  The doctor said I have a minor virus and that it’ll pass.  He sent me on my way.

I didn’t feel like taking another bus.  It would take longer than walking.  It was only two miles from home.  So, I lugged my laptop home in the 94 degree temperatures.  It wasn’t a big deal.

The doctor talked to me about my weight.  I’ve gained since my last visit.  I’ve justified my lifestyle.  I’ve promised to do better.  Months have gone by since I knew this was an issue yet I have yet to actually do anything about it.

My bike miles are way down.  I ride slower when I do ride.  I seldom do long rides.  I’m not in as good of shape as I was.

Some of this was precipitated by my neck issue cutting into the long rides.  I have less fun on the recumbent, but am perfectly comfortable with it.

I bought the new bike two be able to do the gravel rides with friends, but I’m beginning to think that neither I, nor the bike, are prepared for that.  I’m wishing I hadn’t spent the money on it.

I don’t have answers yet.  I don’t know how to motivate myself to get in better shape again. I need to figure it out.

Goals, Shmoals

I had intended to not drink for 30 days.  That didn’t happen.  I did cut down a bit though.

I had intended to ride 500 miles (or 700) in July.  500 is unlikely.  700 won’t happen.

I had started to weigh myself again, but that habit never “set”.

I had started to track my food consumption again, but quickly lost interest.

That said, I feel that I’m on the right track.  I’m riding more.  My neck is better (other than some stiffness from Saturday’s foolishness).  I’m cooking more.  I’m happier most of the time.

Maybe it’s time to forget the numbers for a while and enjoy life.

Where Did May Go?

I last posted on the last day of April.  Today is the last day of May.  What’s been going on?  A lot.

Part of the problem is that I’ve been posting on Google+ instead of my blog.

Although I rode my bike everyday in April, I only managed 300 miles.  In May, I skipped the odd day when I didn’t work.  I still managed 358 miles.  Still down from my normal, but things are improving.

I’m getting more miles on the recumbent.  My neck will bother me if I take a long ride on the other bikes.  If I buy another bike it’ll probably be a recumbent, as I can ride those with no issues.

I’m still spending a lot of time with Robin, and I enjoy that time a lot.  We spent a day at Millionaire’s Row at Churchill Downs.

I bought Robin a bike.

Robin has been a good sport and ridden her bike a fair amount.  She also ridden on the back of the Big Dummy a few times.

What’s next?  I’m heading out with a few friends on Saturday for a four-day tour around southern Indiana.  We’re camping at four state parks.

Stay tuned!

 

30 Days of Biking – Day 12

My round-trip commute to work and back was a measly 7.7 miles.  It was an easy ride on the single-speed.  After arriving home, I made a grocery list, and headed back out for a whole 1.5 miles to the local grocery store.

A porter is someone or something that carries stuff.  My bicycle was my porter.  I had a gallon of milk, snacks for bike rides this weekend, veggies, meat, bread, peanut butter, and a six-pack of Bluegrass Brewing Company Dark Star Porter.

Porter

I’m spending the evening being very domestic.  I’m trying to keep my housework manageable.  I want to spend the weekend on the bike.

I mentioned in previous posts that I’ve been depressed.  I think a weekend of bike riding is just what I need.

30 Days of Biking – Day 11

I didn’t ride to work today, Robin drove me.  I slept poorly and woke feeling bad.  I did get a half mile in after work, but that was mostly so I could say I was on the bike.

I accidently left my refrigerator unplugged overnight and all day today.  I threw away a few things, but there wasn’t much in there anyway.

I’m in a mental funk.  I haven’t eaten poorly today, but my trip to Four Pegs last night was a bad idea.  I ate dinner with Robin tonight, and I helped cook.  Now I’m back home and still feeling down.

I think my blog issues are solved.  I’m going to give it a few more days before calling it a success.

My neck continues to improve.  It’s a gradual change.  It still hurts, but my range-of-motion is better.  It doesn’t hurt to ride a bike, even with drop bars.

It annoys me to no end that I had to sell bikes to pay taxes.  Tim and Timothy rode a hilly 62 miles today.  I could have probably gotten the day off work and joined them, but I don’t have a bike that fits that kind of riding.  It would have been possible on the recumbent, but not ideal.  I know there’s a new bike in my future, when I can afford it.