Dumbbells

More than two years ago I started doing some upper-body strength-training to help with my shoulder pain.  I did it for a while, but I eventually quit doing it.  Letting the muscles atrophy may have exacerbated the cervical spine issue.

On the advice of my chiropractor, I bought some five pound dumbbells.  Then they sat on the bedroom floor.  Five pounds is nothing.  I can easily lift them.  Then, today, I did the exercises she told me to… and it hurt.  I’m glad it’s only five pounds.

This is one of those things that isn’t so much for weight loss as it is general health.  If my neck gets worse again, I’ll be off the bike.  I can’t have that.  I need to stay mobile.

Shrinking?

My weight this morning was 225.8.  The last few weeks I’ve been eating healthier, partially to save money.  I haven’t been going out for meals.  It’s working.

I had a can of soup for dinner last night.  Not exactly satisfying, but I’m running out of groceries.  I’ll be making a grocery trip tonight after work.

I still don’t have my weigh-in page figured out, but I have the data in an Excel spreadsheet.

Car-Free and Planning

Living without a car requires extra planning.  I know I still have my truck, but I haven’t driven it in quite a while.

I needed to get pet supplies today.  That means towing the trailer to work and stopping by Feeder’s Supply on the way home.  I don’t generally tow the trailer with the single-speed, but the LHT was partially disassembled last night.  I hadn’t planned.

I put the LHT back together last night, and did a rush job of getting the trailer ready this morning.  The morning commute was uneventful.  Parking the bike & trailer at work is a little troublesome.  It still goes in my office, but I have to step over the trailer when getting up or down.  I may disconnect it and put it somewhere else next time.

After work I bought a 38.5lb back of dog food, two 20lb bags of cat litter, and a 10lb bag of cat food.  That totals 88.5lbs of stuff.  With the weight of the trailer, I was towing over 100lbs.  That doesn’t count the commuting load in the pannier and trunk bag.

The ride home was slow and easy on side roads.  Even the slightest hill meant using a low gear and going slow.

Buying this cheap, used trailer has greatly increased my carrying capacity.  I don’t think it’s ideal, as I’d rather use a Big Dummy, but this was much cheaper.

Back to Work

You remember that depression I was having?  It’s gone.  Depression?  What depression?

I think getting out of the hospital just made me so happy that I’m still overflowing with happiness… even though my vacation is over and I went back to work today.

I was beginning to get a bit worried about my digestive system again today.  There was pressure building up.  However, I’m happy to report that “everything has come out okay” this evening.  I do have a doctor appointment in a week to hopefully figure out what happened and how to avoid it.

I was sore today.  My legs hurt from the riding I did this weekend.  I didn’t do a lot of riding (80 or 90 miles over two days), but much of it was at a faster tempo than I’m used to and I was riding the single speed.

I had a massage after work, but I still have one muscle in particular that is bugging me.  Oh well.  It’ll loosen up.

I’m riding the LHT tomorrow.  I need to haul the trailer to pick up dog food.  I’ve done that with the single-speed, but it’s generally not a good idea.  There is no totally flat way to get home from Feeder’s Supply.

Living without a car takes more planning.  I’m prone to laziness and procrastination.  I’ll adjust.

Mellow Monday

Today was the last day of my four-day weekend.  I didn’t sleep in, I was up puttering around the house.  I did some useful things, and wasted some time.  I wasn’t feeling energetic enough to go out on an epic ride.

I was running low on coffee.  I normally buy my coffee at Vint on Main Street because it’s right across the street from work.  I wasn’t working today, but I still needed coffee for tomorrow morning.

It was pleasant riding my commute route when it wasn’t rush hour.  I bought a pound of coffee and drank a cup while I was there.  I then headed eastward and turned south on Baxter Ave.

The LMPD have been known to be (mostly) bicycle friendly.  Some of them even do bicycle patrols.  The Jefferson County Sheriff Department… not so much.  One local bike advocate was ticketed by the sheriff’s office for not riding in a bike lane.  Kentucky does have an oddly-worded law requiring it “if practical”.  After much public outcry, the ticket was tossed.

Anyway, I was on Baxter Ave, which does not have a bike lane.  It has “flexible lanes”.  There are a total of four lanes.  The outer two lanes are for parking most times, but that changes between 4:00pm and 6:00pm, and no parking is allowed.

So, it was 4:05 and there were no cars in the right lane.  I took the right lane (it is narrow) and was moving along about 17mph.  I sheriff department SUV was behind me.  Rather than pass in the other lane, he honked his “buzz” horn.  I don’t know what they call it, but the sound makes it clear it’s an emergency vehicle.  He did not turn on any lights, so I ignored it.  After three more buzz-honks, I stopped in the middle of the lane and asked him if he was pulling me over.  He made several confusing hand gestures.  I repeated myself.  He made a clear hand gesture to get moving, so I did, still taking the right lane.  A few blocks up, he turned right while I continued straight.

I spent the next several minutes being amused about the sheriff.  He’s probably used to harassing cyclists, and they do what he says, whether they were breaking the law or not.  The incident with the local advocate probably lead to an internal memo being passed around, and my refusal to squeeze to the right in a narrow lane reminded him of it.

I continued on to Bardstown Rd and stopped at Cumberland.  I’m not supposed to drink beer or eat “heavy” food.  So I had only one beer, several glasses of water, and a salad.

Tim and I communicated via text, and I rode to meet him during near River Rd for a quick ride.  I rode a very urban, very heavy traffic route getting there.  It’s not something I do in a group, but there are days, and today was one of them, where I feel strong enough to mostly keep up with traffic.

I met up with Tim and we rode through Indian Hills, St Matthews, Seneca Park, and Cherokee Park.  His original plan was to hit the Beargrass Creek Trail, but last night’s deluge would mean mud, so we buzzed along Lexington Rd instead.  We continued out Mellwood Ave back to the start location.  It was about 13 miles in about an hour.

There were many cyclists out for the evening.  It was a bit cool, but pleasant.  Tim wasn’t feeling well, he wrote more about that here.

We went our separate ways, and I headed back down Mellwood Ave into downtown before heading south on Third St.

I ride Third St as part of my commute home most every day.  I pass Third Avenue Cafe most every day, but I can’t remember ever going there.  So, I stopped and locked my bike up outside.

I had another salad, and another beer.  I also had more water.  Salad doesn’t do much for energy when cycling.

By the time I left it was fully dark.  I’m glad for the SON hub and B&M lights to get me home safely (yes, I was riding the pink-barred single-speed.)

I arrived home with 33.2 miles for the day.  Nothing epic, just a mostly lazy, pleasant day.

Fun Facts

Due to the moisture and proximity to the river the gnats and other small bugs were horrible.  I ate several.  Tim had one in his eye.  I looked like a poppy-seed bagel by the time I stopped at Third Avenue Cafe.

Because I had originally just planned to ride 3.5 miles to buy a bag of coffee then ride home, I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt (and a helmet).  Other than wishing for long sleeves as it got cooler, I was perfectly comfortable during the ride.  Another 20 miles and I might have been wishing for a chamois.

I felt bad for Tim.  He was obviously not feeling well, but I was feeling quite strong.  It’s good to get out and ride when you’re having a bad day though.  I think the ride did him some good.

Ack! Spider!

Look what greeted me in the shower this morning!

I have neutralized the enemy (squished him and flushed him down the toilet).  He was about three inches from tip of front legs to end of rear legs.  Gah!

Pink!

Sarah guessed in a comment to my previous post that the handlebar tape was pink.  Give her a cookie!

Pink is like red, so that’s what I chose.  It’s a cork-gel tape, not cloth, so no shellac.  It’ll be just pink.  I’m man enough to ride with pink tape, at least until it becomes grungy-pink, then I’ll replace it with something different.

Before putting the new bar tape on, I re-positioned the brake levers and replaced the cables and cable housing.

It’s a far better job than I did last time, but it’s not perfect.  I also like this bar-tape better than what I used before… I don’t actually remember the brand of the last stuff, but this is Planet Bike bar tape.  Not only was it easier to wrap, but it was several dollars cheaper.

I’m Baaack!

I was discharged from the hospital late yesterday afternoon.  I have some dietary restrictions, so I needed to go to the grocery store last night.

I’m eating a lot of soup and getting by.

I intended to get up early this morning to do dishes and cook more food.  I overslept, and only woke up when Tim sent me a text to let me know he was at Sunergos, which is quite near my house.

I quickly dressed and rode the single-speed there.  We enjoyed coffee and scones and headed to Vic’s Classsic Bikes, where the LBC has a Sunday morning ride.

There was a decent size group on the ride (25+?).  I felt strong and Tim and I were running with the faster pack, although this isn’t a fast ride, but it felt good not to drop off the back.

After some flattish miles at 18-19mph up River Rd we turned up Lime Kiln.  I’ve done this mild climb on the single-speed before, usually with a commuting load, so it wasn’t a big deal.  I stood on the pedals and actually started passing people.  That left me quite winded near the top, so I dropped back where Tim was in the pack.

We made our way to Glenview Ave then back to River Rd then turned south into Indian Hills.  I struggled a little on the climbs here, but caught back up with the group.

We continued on through St Matthews, Seneca Park, then Cherokee Park.  I pushed to the front of the pack somewhere along there, and I saw a cyclist ahead who I thought was in our group turn right at what I think was Alta Vista Rd.  I didn’t know the route, so I followed.  Then I saw our group go flying straight through the intersection.

I did a quick U-turn and dropped the front wheel off the pavement into the ditch.  I went over the bars and rolled off my back unto my butt in the grass.  It didn’t hurt other than a slight tweak to my wrist.

I jumped up and began the chase to catch up.  I also managed to tweak my right (rear) brake lever, but it was still functional.

I wasn’t able to catch the group and I wasn’t even sure I was going the right way.  I eventually saw Tim waiting for me.  He did say this was a “dont’ drop Dave day”.  I guess that’s fair, considering I just got out of the hospital.  :)

Tim and I continued on along to Vic’s where the fast group was already loading their bikes up.  Vic, and the rest of them rolled up slightly after us.

Tim and I left and went for coffee and snacks at Breadworks.  While there we exchanged text messages with Patrick who was heading our way for a ride.  Tim needed to head home, so once Patrick arrived, He and I wandered westward, past the zoo, eventually heading north toward downtown.

Patrick and I kept a decent pace heading west from downtown into a headwind and into Shawnee Park.  At that point I was cooked, and we slowed down.

We refilled our water bottles at Shawnee and took the Riverwalk as far east as we could, up to the closed section behind the golf course, then took city streets back to Baxter Ave and to Vic’s as I needed to buy some supplies.

Vic was busy helping to bike tourists traveling for Oregon to Virginia, so Patrick and I went across the street for coffee at Quills… and another snack.

Patrick headed home, and I went back over to Vic’s.  I wanted to buy a T-handle allen wrench to fit my brake levers, but he didn’t have one.  I did buy new brake cables, housing, and doo-dads for the ends of each.  I also bought some new bar tape.  Vic is big into cloth bar tape, but I wanted the cork-like stuff.  I wanted a dull red, but he didn’t have red at all.  Patrick had suggested the blue earlier, but I didn’t like that idea with the red accents on the bike.

So, I’m a man.  I can handle it.  I bought (censored*) bar tape.  I’ll have pictures once I’ve completed the work.

I then rode to Keith’s Hardware, just a few blocks down the road and picked up the allen wrenches, then headed home.  I arrived home with 55 miles for the day.  I’m considering going out again today, but I have much to do including fixing my brakes and re-wrapping the bars with (censored*) tape.

I do have tomorrow off work still, as another vacation day, as I was originally going to Michigan this weekend.  I’ll get more riding in then too.

* You’ll have to wait for the pictures to know what color it is.

Gravel Machine

Since I’m stuck in the hospital and have a laptop, I’ve been browsing.

I have some gravel rides planned for this year yet, and my LHT will have to be that machine once I remove some unnecessary equipment and put on bigger tires. That’s not idea.  My LHT should remain my touring bike.

So, I need a gravel bike.  I have several others I need too, but today I’m thinking about gravel.

I saw this post and I know what I want my gravel bike to be… a Surly Troll.  Just the picture on that post settled it for me.  :)

I don’t think this will happen in the next 16 months, but it’s on my wish list.

UPDATE:  The nurse came in, and told me I can go home today.  She removed the IV, and is working to discharge me. Yay!

Hospital Update

I posted earlier (from a phone) about being in the hospital.  Kristy has brought my laptop, and that’s perfect as I’m having trouble sleeping.

I’m expecting to be discharged sometime tomorrow.  A correction: the obstruction is in my small intestine, not the bowel.  The pain is gone, so I believe the obstruction is clear.  Nothing has passed yet, but it’s probably just a matter of time.

I’ve been allowed nothing to eat or drink today.  I really miss coffee!  I have an IV stuck in my arm providing me with fluid and nutrition.  I hesitate to call it food.  The IV has also made it quick and easy to administer a painkiller which was necessary earlier.  I’m no longer on a painkiller, but I’m in no pain other than a headache from lack of caffeine.

I think Sunergos will be my first stop after leaving here.

It’s been weird dragging around an IV pole with pump anytime I get out of bed.  It’s not very convenient.

Thanks to those who sent well-wishes in comments on my previous post, and via text message.

I will be on the bike tomorrow, but I won’t be out in time for the Knobby Hills Ice Cream Ride or whatever it’s called.  I’m not sure I should ride it until I had the chance to refuel normally anyway.

Drunken Post

I ate (and drank) what I shouldn’t have.  I’m not doing the house work that I should have.  I went down to Zeppelin Cafe and had a burger and a few beers.  It’s only a couple of blocks, I walked.

I was eavesdropping on an older couple on their first date from some online dating service.  It didn’t appear to be going well, but I got the impression they were going to spend the night together.  I walked home alone.  I wasn’t jealous of the guy, I would have ditched the woman.  :)

So, I ate too much and spent too much.  Tomorrow is the car-free happy-hour, and I barely have enough money for that.

Better

After yesterday’s whining, I may have lost a reader or two, and that’s a fair percentage of my readers.  :)

Things were better at work today.  My mood took a nosedive once I got home.  I had errands to run (in the truck) and my mood improved.  One of the errands was grocery shopping, and I bought ice cream and beer, so that always brightens my day, even if for the wrong reasons.

I’ve pretty much concluded that my planned century ride in Michigan this Sunday (Apple Cider Century) is not going to happen.  I’m registered and everything, but with money being tight, affording gas for the drive is doubtful, and a hotel room is out of the question.  I considered camping, but the weather will be cool with a chance of rain.  Not ideal for camping.  If I change my mind and go anyway, I’ll tough it out in a tent.

If I don’t go, I have a four-day weekend, so I’ll go on several long rides over my long weekend.

Eh, whatever.  I’m just glad yesterday is over with.

Depression, Loneliness, and Anger

The times I need someone the most are the same times that I would be unpleasant to be around.  Today is one of those times.  It’s strange to be lonely and know that any advice given to me would not only be ignored, but possibly ridiculed.  I’m angry, depressed, lonely, and looking for a target.  Stay away from me!

I don’t want to be alone.  I need to be alone.  Today, I’d be a irritant to anyone I try to talk to.  So, dear readers, today, that’s you.  Luckily, you have the option of walking away and I won’t even know since your on the other end of the ethernet cable – or wifi connection.

Over the last week I’ve been riding my bike, doing housework, working on bikes, reading books, browsing the web, and of course, working to try and feel useful.  Today, I’ve gotten to where I don’t feel like doing those things.  Sure, I rode my bike to work, did my IT stuff for eight hours, and have been cooking since getting home, but it wasn’t working to ease my mood.

I don’t feel useful – to myself or anyone else.  I’m sure things will get better.  I almost didn’t write this, but I felt it was one useful thing I could do today.

Is there a point to this post?  I’m not sure.  Maybe I’m just venting.  Hopefully I’ll sleep well tonight and be prepared for tomorrow.

I Hate Brakes

V-Brakes, center-pull calipers, side-pull calipers, cantilevers, disc, whatever.  No bicycle brake works as well as a decent automobile brake.  Then again, I don’t want 100lbs worth of brake on my bike.

The cantilever brakes on my LHT (cantis for short) aren’t great.  I changed brake pads and adjusted toe-in a few months ago, and I have slightly more stopping power, but the front brakes squeal.  The left brake arm on the front had also not been pulling away from the wheel completely when releasing the brake.

I’ll be riding 100 miles on that bike next Sunday.  I don’t want a dragging brake the whole time.

I pulled the front brakes off the bike and cleaned everything today.  I re-lubed the necessary parts and reinstalled, paying careful attention to what hole the return spring sits into.  The return spring was the issue with the left brake arm.  The brakes work much better.  They’re adjusted better for more stopping power.  The brake arm returns away from the rim when I release the lever.

But,  the damn things still squeal.  Gah!

The Culprit

Morning Metric


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Tim called it “furly”, and it was.  I got up at 4:00am, made breakfast and coffee, showered and was out the door at 5:30 to meet Tim and Patrick for a 50 or so mile road ride.

I was concerned about the weather.  It was quite cool, but not quite cool enough for long-sleeves.  There was a chance of rain, which would make it cooler.  I wore shorts and short sleeves and brought a long-sleeve compression shirt with me.  Although it did start raining, I never felt cold enough to change.

We met near the intersection of Bardstown Rd and Douglass Blvd, known as “The Loop”.  We had planned to meet at 6:00, but were underway by 5:45.

Tim planned an urban route that would still get some climbing in.  We headed west, then south and looped around in Iroquois Park.  We stopped for bathroom/water break before leaving the park.  I ate a peanut butter sandwich while waiting.

We headed back north, through Old Louisville and downtown.  We shared River Rd with runners (there was a race of some sort going on).  We stayed out of the way.

We cut up through the Mockingbird Valley area, then over to Indian Hills where we did some more looping, just to ride the hills more than once.

Then back to River Rd and out to Wolf Pen Branch and Barbour Ln.  We took some neighborhood streets and were near Patrick’s house, so he headed home to take care of family duties.

Tim and I headed west on Westport and into St. Matthews where we stopped at a bakery for some much needed carbs.

We continued through Seneca Park and to The Loop and had breakfast and Twig & Leaf.  There was an LBC group having breakfast there because they cancelled their ride due to rain.  Tim and discussed riding a little extra to get 62 miles (100 kilometers) to have a metric century.

We each headed home from there.  I took a roundabout way to Sunergos Coffee and enjoyed a good cup.  I then took a wandering route home.  My bike computer said 62.3 miles, which is just over 100 km.  It wasn’t even noon yet.  That’s a pretty good start for the day.

Fall Bicycle Plans

Tim posted his Fall plans.

  • Sunday 9/25- I’ll be driving up to Brown Country, finally, for a half-day of trail riding up there with Apertome and Dave G. EVERYBODY talks about how fun the BC trails are. Also, mostly everybody talks about them in terms of good flow instead of gnarly technical challenges. I like that.
  • Sat/Sun 10/22-3- At least 3 of us will be going to Red River Gorge for a 1-night bikes+camp weekend. We’ll drive down early Sat and take in 100K of E.KY/DanielBooneNF mixed-terrain goodness. After a good camp we’ll do the 28m RRGorge Loop, road in nature this time, before heading home at lunch Sunday.
  • Lastly the posse is all planning on taking on the Gravel Grovel, Saturday 11/26. That’s another 100k worth of pure gravel, double track and some singletrack. Given it’s status as a “race”, we/I’ll need to be in reasonable shape to not miss any cut-offs.
  • The first one, 9/25, I won’t be taking part in.  Instead, I’ll be in Three Oaks Michigan for the Apple Cider Century.  Yep, one week from tomorrow I’ll be riding a century.  I used to live in Niles Michigan, about 20 miles away, and it’ll be nice to get up there again.  I’m actually taking a four-day weekend, and hope to get other riding in besides the century.  I also hope to visit some old friends.  Oh, and I’ll be camping due to lack of money for hotel rooms.  Brrr….

    I am planning on joining everyone for the other two events listed.  The Red River Gorge camping trip will be similar to last year’s Big South Fork adventure.

    The Gravel Grovel, being a race, is something totally new to me.  I’m not sure what to make of it, but it’ll be fun no matter what.

    It’s Saturday

    I rolled out of bed around 8:00 this morning.  I cooked bacon and eggs and drank coffee.  That made for a good start for the day.

    Around 10:30, Tim picked me up and we went to Waverly HIlls Park for some mountain bike riding.  I don’t own a mountain bike, so Tim loaned me one of his, a Redline Monocog.  It’s a single-speed mountain bike.  I’ve ridden it before.  We tooled around on the trails for about an hour.  One hour of mountain biking is a lot more exercise than one hour of road riding.

    I had moved the dyno-powered lights from my LHT to the single-speed some time ago.  I had also bought new bar tape for the bike, but hadn’t gotten around to it yet.  So, I wrapped the bars.  This is my first time wrapping bars, and it shows.  It’ll work, but I’ll need more practice.

    I used red electrical tape at the ends of the bar tape.  I didn’t do a very good job, but it’ll be fine comfort-wise.  It just doesn’t look good.

    I did yard work, lubed the chains on the bikes.  I’ve got a little housework to do.  I’m fighting the urge to go out for dinner (which will mean drinking beer).

    No matter what I do the rest of the day, I can call today a good day.

    Tomorrow will begin with a 6:00am bike ride.  I’d better not stay up late.  :)

    Under 230 Again – Two Days in a Row

    Yesterday and today my weight was 229.2.  I last went out to eat (or drink beer) on Monday.  It’s nice to see almost immediate results.

    I almost drove to work yesterday, but I am short on money and didn’t want to pay for parking.  If I’m going to sell my truck, driving to work can’t be an option.

    I feel better today and I’m looking forward to riding into work.  Given the choice, I think I’d rather crawl back into bed.  :)

    Panicked

    I left work early and rode my bike out to my doctor’s office as planned.  I was escorted back to have my vitals taken and sign some paperwork.  After the nurse leaves the room, I can hear them talking about the fact I rode my bike there.  One of the nurses goes on about how she used to ride across the Second Street Bridge.

    I’ve done this before.  I know the doctor will come in and talk to me briefly before another nurse leads me to the treatment room.

    He does.  I tell him this will probably be my last epidural – that I’m scared shitless of them now.

    The nurse takes me to the treatment room.  I take off my shirt and put on the gown.  I lay down face-first on the treatment table.  The x-ray machine is put in place over my neck.  This is used to place the needle correctly in my spine.

    My heart started racing.  I couldn’t breath.  I told them to stop.  They moved the x-ray machine and I got up.  They hadn’t gone as far as prepping my skin, but that was the next step.  I was done.  I just wanted out.

    I apologized to the the doctor for leaving, but dressed and left.

    On the ride home my mind was battling between shame and relief.

    Danger!

    Problems

    I’ve been at risk of undoing much of the health improvements I’ve done over the last four years.  My eating habits are not only directly unhealthy, but not great for my mental health with the self-loathing I feel after a whole week of eating bad… week after week.

    I’ve let myself get lazy and distracted.  I haven’t been keeping up on household chores.  I’ve basically been a mess.

    I’m going to refocus.  I’m weighing myself again.  I haven’t started posting it again because the page is crazy with too much data.  I’ll find a better way to present it soon.  My weight this morning was 236.4lbs.  That’s higher than it’s been since October of 2008.

    I need to stop going out to eat so much.  Going out for pizza or a burger and a beer three or four times a week is not only working against my goals, but is costing too much money.

    Today, I cooked a pork chop on the grill and had celery sticks.   I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow.  It was a sensible size portion and I drank water with it.

    More Goals

    In December 2008 I listed a few secondary goals.  I just revisited that.

    • Learn to ride a unicycle (next year)
      I wisely gave up on this.
    • Be car-free (three years away)
      Strangely enough, I’m on track for this.
    • Either fix-up my house, or move (three years away)
      I moved more than a year ahead of the goal.
    • Meet a woman crazy enough to like my lifestyle (never?)
      I got married – we’re split up now – don’t want to say much more than that.
    • Ride a several hundred mile multi-day tour (next year?)
      Although late, I did this in March of this year.

    Message From The Past

    In January of 2009, I wrote something that I needed to read now.  Luckily, I do re-read my older blog entries occasionally.

    I mention effort to save a life.  I was trying at the time to convince my audience that this is possible and necessary.  It turns out the audience is me in 2011.

    Alright Then

    If I fix my eating habits and focus more on productive activities, not only will I lose weight, but I should feel better about myself.  It’s not a cure for depression, but it means fewer bad days.

    It’s strange that the things I crave when depressed (food & beer) are things that will eventually make me more depressed.  This is common.  What is it with the human psyche?

    Anxiety?

    I have depression issues.  I have most of my life and I deal with it.  Sometimes I spout off about it on this blog.  Other times I keep it to myself.

    I’ve often heard of those who have anxiety issues along with depression.  That’s never been me.  Sometimes I get nervous, or scared, but I’ve never had an anxiety attack… until 30 minutes ago.

    I’ve been depressed all day.  I’ve been unable to sleep tonight.  I was remembering that I have a massage appointment after work tomorrow.  Good!  Something to look forward to.  Then I remember I have an appointment on Wednesday to get another epidural.

    I’ve already had two epidurals.  I was quite nervous about the first one, and I had a somewhat bad experience during the first epidural.  The relief I was received made it all worth it.  I wasn’t very nervous for the second one, and it went much smoother.

    So, while laying in bed thinking about my upcoming epidural I got panicky.  My chest felt tight and I couldn’t breathe right.  I was re-living the sound and feel of the large needle sliding past my vertebrae.  I made up my mind that I can’t do it.  The realization that I can cancel the appointment is the only thing that calmed me.

    Now I’m confused.  Why did I have an anxiety attack?  I’ve never had that problem before.  I’ll do some thinking during the day tomorrow.  I don’t really want to cancel the appointment.  I need the pain relief.  My neck is starting to hurt again and I have numbness down my arm.

    I’m currently an emotional mess.  Today was the second anniversary of my second failed marriage.  I’m lonely, but know that I need to be alone.  I may never be able to have a live-in relationship.  Don’t worry.  I’m safe and I’m coping.  Writing about it helps sometimes.

    Okay.  Back to bed I go.  I really need to sleep.

    Blah and Bleh

    I didn’t ride much over the weekend, just rode around town a little.  My eating habits are worse than they should be.

    I’ve been in an emotional slump.  I tend to use food and beer as crutches.  That’s not good.  I’m slowly gaining weight.

    I did spend a number of hours moving the dyno-wheel and lighting from the LHT to the single-speed.  It was a pain.  I know how to work on bikes, but I’m lousy at it.  I struggle with simple things.  I get it done, it just takes way too long.

    I’m home sick today.  I haven’t left the house, and have no intention of doing so.  I have groceries so I’ll eat, and I’ll actually eat healthy today.  I’ve spent hours laying in bed.  Some of that time I was sleeping, some of it reading.

    My kitchen is still a whirlwind of bike parts and tools.  I need to pick up the mess before I can cook.  <sigh>  Maybe I’ll just go lay in bed instead.

    Gravel Grovel

    A group of us are planning to ride the Gravel Grovel.  This is a 100 kilometer bicycle race over mostly gravel surfaces.  This takes place in late November near Story Indiana.

    My goal is to finish the race.  Finishing last is okay.

    I don’t have the budget for a dedicated gravel bike, so I’ll be stripping racks, lights, and fenders off of the LHT and putting some fatter tires on it.  The LHT is a wonderfully versatile bike.

    Depending on the weather, clothing may be a bigger challenge.

    Wish me luck!